Pain or Pleasure


Originally posted 2016-11-26 07:11:37.


Decisions have consequences





When I took a class in college called decision making, it really changed my mind about how important it is to make decisions in our lives because for every decision their is a consequence…BUT…there is an intellectual side to us and then there is a more impulsive instant gratification side to us…TODAY…I realize the difference…and am fully aware that we as individuals can be very smart BUT also very impulsive which can make us very mindless instead of mindful when making decisions…not making a decision is a decision because not making a decision has a consequence…the goal is to start and continue making mindful choices because when you make mindless choices you get consequences the smart mindful you does not want…

I believe that we all can get into a state that I call “fuck it mode” (please excuse my language) where we feel crappy or are not motivated and just continue in this downward spiral…Why? Well if you eat the doughnut and feel fat you – you say “fuck it” i’m going to eat another doughnut…what difference does it make? you say to yourself…your in debt and you know you can’t afford something and you say “fuck it” I’m already in debt so why not?…It goes back to the pain or pleasure principle where we seek pleasure over the pain…so how do we change? Below are some things that help me but require me to really focus (disclaimer – sooooo not easy to be mindful sometimes)

1. Recognizing you have an issue

2. Feeling enough pain to change the issue at hand

3. Support (people that don’t put you down and are compassionate – that don’t make you feel crazy)

4. Baby steps (don’t overwhelm yourself with trying to fix an issue/habit that took a while to acquire overnight)

5. Learn about the issue or go to a professional that knows more about the subject you are trying to fix

6. Learn from others – if you know of someone that has what you want – learn from them or read about them – they can serve as a mentor to you

7. Be mindful about everything – when we are mindless it is so easy to make poor decisions – let me repeat this – when we are mindless it is soooooo easy to make poor decisions – we need to start paying attention to all areas of our lives and this is soooooooo not easy – and we need to pay attention to the consequence of each decision we make

8. Focus on you – when we are too concerned about others we neglect ourselves – this means anyone that is in your life – when you take care of you – you can take care of others a whole lot better

9. Running or avoiding is sooooo easy and feels so good if you are used to this way of dealing with issues – again being mindful will allow you to recognize running or avoiding patterns or your coping mechanisms

10. Don’t get defensive – it is extremely easy to get defensive when you don’t want to talk about your issues because nobody and I mean nobody wants to feel crazy but only through constructive critism can we develop – so sometimes as hard as this is…we need to listen

That’s all I got for now but i hope this reaches at least one person…I believe all of the things I have been through and am going through happen to me for a reason…I believe the reason is to help others through my journey of self discovery and self improvement…remember life is a journey not a destination…

Originally posted 2016-11-26 06:59:15.

Mind, The Self

Self Matters: Creating Your Life from the Inside Out
Phil McGraw

Self Matters: Creating Your Life from the Inside Out - Phil McGraw
Self Matters: Creating Your Life from the Inside Out – Phil McGraw

Self Matters: Creating Your Life from the Inside Out

It isn’t easy to find your “authentic self”.     When you have experiences that have hurt you and caused you pain, it is not easy to just forget them.   When you were yourself and that wasn’t good enough, you change.   You start acting different because you may be trying to protect yourself from that pain you felt in the past.

It takes determination and practice to focus on the self.    Life will teach us along the way if we are not being true to ourselves.   You will feel forced and it will cause as Dr. Phil says an imbalance.

Now I’m not saying it is easy because I know that in order for me to be true to myself I have to constantly be hyperaware of what i’m feeling and how i’m acting.    If I feel uncomfortable in a situation, I need to question whether I want to be there or not.

After being hurt, I created the thickest walls imaginable which helped protect me, at least I thought.   It was very hard for me to let anyone in and to trust.    I’m still a work in progress but I am very aware of how my thick walls have alienated me at times.   I am so thankful to those that are around me that have had patience with me.

Getting to know ourselves and improving areas of our lives that we tend to avoid, is part of our development.    It is easy to get distracted with other things when we are trying to ignore or avoid our own weaknesses in certain areas.    We can obsess over a hobby or become a workaholic or even create bad habits that help us distract ourselves from our issues.    In addition, sometimes we focus so much on other people’s issues so that we don’t focus on our very own issues.

We have to get real good at embracing those areas in our lives where we are weak and need to develop more.

I recognize that when I feel uncomfortable with a situation, I run.   I run by making some excuse as to why I don’t want to do something.    I even justify my reasoning to avoid it.  It is the story I tell myself which is all part of my protection.   It is my brains way of saying “you felt pain or got hurt in the past by putting yourself in a situation that was similar so let’s avoid it”.    The only problem is that the more we avoid situations where we are uncomfortable, the more underdeveloped we are in those areas.

My goal and my journey is to develop my weak areas.  Those areas that I avoid.     To not be in denial of my issues and to go head on to improve them.

Join me in this journey if you feel the same.


“Your life has a root core that, once understood, unlocks a powerful force to create the life you want. Key questions and an amazingly clear “map” are now at your fingertips so you can “live by design”.

In this groundbreaking work, Dr. Phil challenges you to find your “authentic self”: that person you have always wanted to be, but were too distracted, busy, or scared to become. Instead, you have created a “fictional self”, taking on the identity of who you believe you are supposed be. The incongruence between these two selves is what leads you to feel that your life is incomplete, unbalanced, and more difficult than it should be.

In Self Matters, Dr. Phil helps you to demystify your self-concept and learn how to reclaim your authentic self. You can learn to think beyond the excuses and fears that have masked the person you want to be. By facing the cards life has dealt you, you can relearn how to best react to them.

Self Matters is one of the most forward-thinking works on self-concept and self-esteem ever published. We get only one chance in this world. Dr. Phil tells us all how to make the most of it.” (audible.com)

Originally posted 2016-06-11 18:56:20.


Sara Bareilles


You can be amazing
You can turn a phrase into a weapon or a drug
You can be the outcast
Or be the backlash of somebody’s lack of love
Or you can start speaking up
Nothing’s gonna hurt you the way that words do
And they settle ‘neath your skin
Kept on the inside and no sunlight
Sometimes a shadow wins
But I wonder what would happen if you

Say what you wanna say
And let the words fall out
Honestly I wanna see you be brave

With what you want to say
And let the words fall out
Honestly I wanna see you be brave

I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
I wanna see you be brave

I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
I wanna see you be brave

Everybody’s been there, everybody’s been stared down
By the enemy
Fallen for the fear and done some disappearing
Bow down to the mighty
Don’t run, stop holding your tongue
Maybe there’s a way out of the cage where you live
Maybe one of these days you can let the light in
Show me how big your brave is

Say what you wanna say
And let the words fall out
Honestly I wanna see you be brave

With what you want to say
And let the words fall out
Honestly I wanna see you be brave

Innocence, your history of silence
Won’t do you any good
Did you think it would?
Let your words be anything but empty
Why don’t you tell them the truth?

Say what you wanna say
And let the words fall out
Honestly I wanna see you be brave

With what you want to say
And let the words fall out
Honestly I wanna see you be brave

I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
I wanna see you be brave

I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
See you be brave

I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you

I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you

Originally posted 2016-06-11 00:53:42.

Communication/ Relationships, Mind

Emotional Intelligence
Daniel Goleman

I studied Emotional Intelligence (EI) years ago and I was interested in the topic.   We hear a lot about Intelligence Quotient (IQ) but not as much about Emotional Intelligence (EI).

In the workplace and in real life we do need these skill sets to work with others.   Some companies value these skills and are training their employees in these skills but there are others that just simply don’t get it.

In real life, Emotional Intelligence is critical in my opinion because people sometimes don’t say what they really feel inside and  portray to the outside world.    It takes a lot for someone to truly open up and feel comfortable to express their inner emotions.   When you know there is something wrong with someone or something is happening in their lives, it is critical to help guide them.   It takes extra effort but totally worth it because people cannot function when they are distressed.

To me the best leaders have high levels of both EI and IQ.   They are not fake, they are genuine.     The higher the corporate ladder the more I believe they need to have high levels of EI.   This is not the case in a lot of companies and that is why employee morale is low.    As Daniel Goleman states, Jack Welch (former CEO and Chairman of GE) instituted a program that bullies would no longer be tolerated at General Electric.  The leaders set the tone for their team – it all cascades down.  If the organization has a great culture but there are two or three or more bosses that have no clue how to work with people, this could really affect how those teams perform.

He talks about the Peter Principle and how managers should be promoted based on their current competencies as a manager instead of managers getting promoted that have no interpersonal skills and are wrongly promoted.

Being in marketing for years, the way employees work with customers and interact with them is part of the brand.   If your employees are rude to your customers because they are not happy with how their boss is treating them it will affect the company’s brand.   It is all a Domino effect.

Daniel Goleman talks about these areas of Emotional Intelligence:

  1. Self Awareness
  2. Managing Your Emotions
  3. Motivation
  4. Empathy
  5. Social Skills


intelligence quotient
an intelligence test score that is obtained by dividing mental age, which reflects the age-graded level of performance as derived from population norms, by chronological age and multiplying by 100: a score of 100 thus indicates a performance at exactly the normal level for that age group.
Abbreviation: IQ.” (Dictionary.com)

emotional intelligence
skill in perceiving, understanding, and managing emotions and feelings.
Abbreviation: EI.” (Dictionary.com)

Originally posted 2016-06-10 11:35:00.

Body, Fitness & Health

Summer’s Secret Weight Loss Weapon
by Cynthia Sass

Lately I have been eating berries every day.   Raspberries, Strawberries and Blueberries are my favorite.   I eat occasional cherries and watermelon but that is it.   I also by the organic freezer bags of berries at Whole Foods and snack on them instead of ice cream.

I have noticed that this has helped me lose inches on my stomach.

Read the article to find out why eating berries helps you lose weight.


Summer’s Secret Weight Loss Weapon


  1. Antioxidants
  2. Blood sugar regulation
  3. Metabolism boosters
  4. Belly fat fighters
  5. Fiber

Originally posted 2016-06-09 22:22:13.

Links, Mind, Tests

Career Personality
& Aptitude Test
240 questions, 40 min

I took a few of these test to decide what I wanted to study in college.   I think they are great.  I haven’t taken this one yet but I will.   I really like PsychologyToday.com so I trust it is a good test.

There are 240 questions that take approximately 40 minutes according to them.



“Tired of running the rat race in a job you don’t enjoy? Wondering which career is best matched to you? Try a Career Personality & Aptitude Test. This tool is designed to assess your interests, values, and preferences surrounding your career. It will offer you an interesting look at yourself, providing information about what motivates and interests you. In addition, it will provide suggestions of particular careers that are well-suited to you, along with some information about these careers.

Carefully read every question and select the response that best applies to you. You will need to select an answer for every question.

After finishing the test, you will receive one of your career matches. You will then have the option to purchase the full results.” (PsychologyToday.com)



Originally posted 2016-06-09 15:33:29.

Body, Teeth

Do I Really Have to Floss???
by Alex Naini

This is a great article but I wanted to highlight the following bullet points.  I love teeth so this is super important.   We must take care of them.  -Rosemary


Do I Really Have to Floss??? by Alex Naini

“1. If you’re going to pick between brushing and flossing, FLOSS!!! Yes, I said it … FLOSS! I know it sounds contradictory but the bacteria in between your teeth can cause way more damage than the plaque and bacteria on the front and back of your teeth. Your saliva, tongue and other foods take care of removing most of that. But in between teeth, food, bacteria, and plaque only come off with flossing.

2. A lot of times people will tell me they don’t floss because it causes their gums to bleed. What they don’t know is that healthy gums don’t have enough of a blood supply to bleed, no matter how hard you brush or floss. I can go in between healthy gums with a sharp dental instrument and they not only don’t bleed, they aren’t even tender. Unhealthy gums have too much blood in them so they bleed. Your body sends blood to your gums to fight off the infection and bacteria. The problem is your body senses your tooth as the infection for all practical purposes and tries to get rid of your tooth (hence bone loss around the tooth and eventual tooth loss if not treated). The more you floss, the healthier your gums get, the less they bleed!

3. Did you know that if a person gets a human bite, we don’t close the wound? A dog bite would be stitched up, but  the human mouth has so much bacteria that it can cause sepsis and shock if you close that bacteria inside the body. When you have bleeding gums, it’s like an open window for this bacteria to get into your blood stream. The bacteria then travels throughout your body, increasing your chances of heart disease, compromising your immune system, and possibly causing an infection in the lining of your heart, which can be deadly!

4. If you are pregnant, the bacteria that causes gingivitis (which comes from not flossing) can cause low birth weight babies and more complications during pregnancy.

5. Ideally, you should floss at night, but as long as you floss once every 24 hours, in most cases, your gums and teeth will be protected. There’s always a perfect time to floss – most of us are stuck in traffic during the day, or on hold on a phone at some point. Sure, it’s not sexy, but who’s watching? And it’s way sexier to have a clean, non-smelly mouth! ” (Copied directly from the link above and written by Alex Naini)


Originally posted 2016-06-09 14:47:24.

Charity, Links

Wounded Warrior Project


“To honor and empower Wounded Warriors.

To foster the most successful, well-adjusted generation of wounded service members in our nation’s history.

  • To raise awareness and enlist the public’s aid for the needs of injured service members.
  • To help injured service members aid and assist each other.
  • To provide unique, direct programs and services to meet the needs of injured service members.”  (https://www.woundedwarriorproject.org)

Donate By Clicking Here

Originally posted 2016-06-09 14:34:58.


Going for my MBA – Why going to school is important

Many people question whether school is for them or not and for some they are right, school is not for them.

I wanted to share my experience.

Both of my parents never graduated from college and for them it was very important for my sister and I to get a great education.   I remember how my mom used to drive us to school to ensure we went and how i hated the brown beat up car she drove us in.   We didn’t have a lot of money but since my mom was a housewife, she gave us so much attention and took really good care of us.

I don’t remember my childhood very well but I do remember being in high school and taking an FBLA class (Future Business Leaders of America) and how this class shaped my interest in Marketing.   I went to Newtown High School in Queens NY and was part of the business institute.   Being part of the business institute definitely helped me decided to focus on business yet I had this real passion for Psychology.   My last year of High School I was allowed to take a College Now course to advance my credits for college.   I took Psychology 101.   Psychology was amazing!!!  The only problem was that I was afraid of it.   I already had my own teenage issues and studying Psychology just made me think more.   I studied Freud, Jung, Pavlov and they all had theories.   I spent days and nights studying with a passion I can’t explain with words.   I just loved it.  I got an award for that class.

So I graduated and now what?  College?  Ugh what do I want to study?  I was so confused.  I mean I knew I wanted to study Psychology because I studied the mind without being asked to.   I would just study self help/ self development books as a hobby.

My older sister went for fashion as a major and since I was confused, I took the easy route and chose fashion too.   Boy was I wrong.   I hated fashion.   I thought because I liked shopping I would love fashion.  BORING!!!  I was sitting in a textiles class and all i could think was how different this was to studying the mind.   I wanted something more meaningful something more me.   I was a C student.

I took a group dynamics class and was the leader of a group presentation.   I chose the topic about personality and careers because I was going through this issue at the time of not knowing what i wanted.   I remember crying to my dad frustrated because I had already paid for the classes and was doing so bad.   I felt frustrated.   Through my frustration I learned a lesson.   I learned to listen to who I was instead of ignoring who I was.   For my project I took out a few books from the library like Myer Briggs Type Indicator or Personality Test which talked about Introvert and Extrovert personalities.

I took a personality assessment test http://psychologytoday.tests.psychtests.com/take_test.php?idRegTest=3242 and it helped me ask myself what i liked.   I’m not sure if this was the exact one I took but it was similar.   I narrowed down that I loved Psychology and loved business.   I started thinking and since Marketing was around consumer behavior and knew i took a class in High School I really liked I decided to go for it.

When i changed my major to Marketing it was like night and day.   I was a straight A student.   I just loved each class.   It was amazing to see the difference.

After I graduated and got my BBA (Bachelors of Business Administration) I worked for a few years and decided (with the help of my mom reminding me that I wanted this) that I needed to learn more about business so instead of just focusing on Marketing I focused on all of business.   I got my MBA (Masters of Business Administration) which was super hard but worth it.

After getting my Masters, I felt more confident in the workplace because I felt that I acquired the education and skills I needed to get to the next level of my career.

Getting your MBA isn’t everything but I am happy that I was able to get it because I can rely on my own skills.   My education was an investment on myself and it was the best gift I could have ever given me.

I think that my purpose was always more about the mind but I needed all the education, skills and experience to bring it all together.





Originally posted 2016-11-20 14:09:53.


Modell’s Undercover Boss Episode
Homeless Employee Angel
Gets Another Chance To Start Over

I’ve watched a lot of Undercover Boss episodes and each one has inspired me in different ways.    I will never forget this one.

The CEO of Modell’s went to a Modell’s store to find out how the store was doing and ended up meeting one of his employees named Angel.   In the back room she tells him that she is homeless and he could not believe it.

Being a CEO of a major company is very time consuming but when you actually take the time to get to know your employees it can create a company culture like no other.    Is it all about the bottom line or is it also about your people?   When you have a loyal team of people that actually care about your business, the customers will notice and so will the competition.

I was looking for this video all over and could only find this international one where the quality isn’t great but it is enough to show you why I loved it so much.


Originally posted 2016-06-09 12:46:27.

Quotes, Videos

J.K. Rowling Speaks at Harvard Commencement
Harry Potter Author


This is so amazing.  This made me cry.

  1.  Benefits of Failure – sometimes it is the only way to really learn.
  2. Imagination – “IMAGINATION is not only the uniquely human capacity to envision that which is not, and therefore the fount of all invention and innovation. In its arguably most transformative and revelatory capacity, it is the POWER that enables us to EMPATHIZE with humans whose experiences we have never shared. “


It is impossible to live without failing at something, unless you live so cautiously that you might as well not lived at all - in which case, you fail by default. -J.K. Rowling Harry Potter
It is impossible to live without failing at something, unless you live so cautiously that you might as well not lived at all – in which case, you fail by default. -J.K. Rowling Harry Potter
IMAGINATION is not only the uniquely human capacity to envision that which is not, and therefore the fount of all invention and innovation. In its arguably most transformative and revelatory capacity, it is the POWER that enables us to EMPATHIZE with humans whose experiences we have never shared. J.K. Rowling Harry Potter
IMAGINATION is not only the uniquely human capacity to envision that which is not, and therefore the fount of all invention and innovation. In its arguably most transformative and revelatory capacity, it is the POWER that enables us to EMPATHIZE with humans whose experiences we have never shared. J.K. Rowling Harry Potter

Originally posted 2016-06-09 11:30:45.


Motivational Video

Limits are an illusion.   Don’t let ANYONE get in the way of your dreams.    Even if people laugh at your dream or make a remark that you don’t agree with – FOCUS.   You deserve to follow your dreams.    Get to know yourself.    What do you love?

For years, I have been strengthening my mind.   It has taken a lot of work.   There were many times when it was tough but I got back up.   That is what it is all about – getting back up.   We all can fall but you cannot stay down.   Your mind can lift you even if you don’t feel the strength to get up.  Mind muscle.

Nobody knows your struggles.    Only you.   Only you can fight for what you want.   Only you can make a decision today to stop focusing on external factors and focus on you.   It doesn’t matter where you came from.   It doesn’t matter how much education you have.   It doesn’t matter what you think you are lacking.   Don’t compare yourself to others and put yourself down because you are not where they are.

Today, decide what you want.

  1.  Where are you today?
  2. Where do you want to be?
  3. How are you going to get there?




Originally posted 2016-06-08 22:13:58.


PTSD: How does trauma affect relationships?
by SheKnows Health & Wellness Experts

PTSD: How does trauma affect relationships?

Health and wellness information including aging, stress, women’s health, nutrition, sleep, and more at SheKnows.com. Whether a loved one has recently experienced trauma or has been suffering from PTSD for years, she may have trouble maintaining or establishing close relationships. The symptoms of PTSD can interfere with trust, emotional closeness, communication, responsible assertiveness and effective problem solving.

Originally posted 2016-11-20 09:25:27.