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Mind

The Aftermath of Childhood Sexual Abuse

The Aftermath of Childhood Sexual Abuse

Sexual abuse leaves many scars, creating feelings of guilt, anger, and fear that haunt survivors throughout their lives. Adults who have undergone sexual abuse as children commonly experience depression and insomnia. High levels of anxiety in these adults can result in self-destructive behaviors, such as alcoholism or drug abuse, anxiety attacks, and situation-specific anxiety disorders.

Originally posted 2016-11-17 13:27:31.

Mind

Childhood Sexual Abuse

Childhood Sexual Abuse: A mental health issue

English PDF | More Fact Sheets Our experiences in childhood play a big part in shaping our health and well-being throughout our lives. Sexual abuse in childhood can leave scars that can last for a long time. But many cases are never reported. Some people feel very scared about reporting abuse.

Great article worth reading…

How does childhood sexual abuse affect adult well-being?

Childhood sexual abuse can have a wide range of effects in adulthood. Some adult survivors experience few mental health problems, while others experience many mental health problems. Abuse is a kind of trauma. Trauma is a situation that’s shocking, intense and distressing. The effects of trauma include a complicated mix of factors, such as:

  • The amount of any kind of trauma you previously experienced
  • The severity of the trauma
  • How close you were to the person who abused you
  • How long the abuse lasted
  • How people you trusted reacted to the abuse, if you told them—did they believe you and support you or dismiss you?10

Here are some of the ways that experiences of childhood sexual abuse can affect well-being:

  • Trust—Abuse may impair your sense that the world is a safe place and impair your ability to trust others. This may be particularly difficult if you had a close relationship with the abuser.11
  • Self-esteem—You may blame yourself for the abuse, even though it isn’t your fault. You may have a hard time feeling good about yourself or hopeful about your future.12
  • Coping with stress—You may have a lot of negative feelings, which may make it hard to cope with everyday stress.12
  • Impulsivity—Impulsivity means acting on urges before thinking through the consequences, which can lead to risky activities.12
  • Anger—You may have a hard time controlling your anger.12
  • Dissociation—With dissociation, your mind “separates” itself from painful events to protect itself. You may have a hard time remembering what happened, feel like the world around you isn’t real or feel like you aren’t connected to your body. It’s a common reaction to pain and fear.13
  • Self-harm—You may harm yourself, but not intend to end your life. It may be a way to cope with difficult thoughts or feelings.14

These are common reactions to trauma. But they can lead to problems when they affect the way you live your life. It’s important to get help if you are having a hard time coping with past trauma.

Other problems linked to childhood sexual abuse include:

  • Mental illness—Experiencing childhood sexual abuse does not mean that you will develop a mental illness, but it is one of many risk factors. People who experience childhood sexual abuse may have a higher risk of experiencing anxiety disorders (such as post-traumatic stress disorder),15 depression,16 eating disorders,16 dissociative disorders17 and personality disorders.18
  • Substance use problems—Survivors of childhood sexual abuse are at greater risk of developing problems with alcohol and other drugs19,20,21 and may be more likely to start using substances at a younger age.22,23,24,25 There may also be a link between your response to childhood sexual abuse (such as depression, low self-esteem or post-traumatic stress disorder) and the risk of experiencing problems with substances.19,21,26 Substances may be a way to cope with difficult experiences.19,21″

 

 

 

Originally posted 2016-11-17 13:03:29.

Gender, Mind

Through a Man’s Eyes: Helping Women Understand the Visual Nature of Men
Shaunti Feldhahn, Craig Gross

Through a Man's Eyes: Helping Women Understand the Visual Nature of Men Shaunti Feldhahn, Craig Gross
Through a Man’s Eyes: Helping Women Understand the Visual Nature of Men Shaunti Feldhahn, Craig Gross

Through a Man’s Eyes: Helping Women Understand the Visual Nature of Men

This book is great.   Understanding the way men think, as a woman, isn’t easy.   This book allowed me to understand men a little more by tapping into the male brain and learning how it functions.

It helped me respect the differences that sometimes are so hard to understand.

It is critical to not listen to this book with a negative mindset.   Sometimes the more you learn and the more you know can make you over analyze even the simplest situations.   The point of this book is to empower women to simply learn and respect some of the differences that could sometimes frustrate us not to use this against the men in our lives.

In my opinion, men benefit from women understanding them because it can be difficult for men to articulate what they sometimes go through as males.

-Rosemary


“What Happens When Women See What Men See?

You already know that your husband, boyfriend, or son is wired differently from you, but do you know what that really means? It means, among other things, that he’s been given the gift of a unique visual wiring – and the challenges that come with it. In Through a Man’s Eyes, Shaunti Feldhahn and Craig Gross team up to help open our eyes to the God-given visual nature of men. They address questions like:

  • “Why are guys so visual – and what does that mean, anyway?”
  • “How do I help my son navigate this sex-crazed culture?”
  • “How dare someone tell a woman to watch what she wears! Isn’t it a man’s responsibility not to look?”
  • “If he’s tempted by visual images, is there something wrong with him? With me?”
  • “My husband is an honorable guy, so why would he be tempted by porn?”
  • “How can I talk to my husband or son about this? What can I do to support him?”

Through the compassion and candor in this audiobook, you can learn what men have long wished the women in their lives knew but didn’t know how to explain – and see the difference this awareness makes.” (audible.com)

Originally posted 2016-06-08 14:48:07.

Declutter, Mind

Uncluttered. Scientists find physical clutter negatively affects your ability to focus, process information
by Erin Doland

Scientists find physical clutter negatively affects your ability to focus, process information by Erin Doland
Scientists find physical clutter negatively affects your ability to focus, process information by Erin Doland

 

https://unclutterer.com/2011/03/29/scientists-find-physical-clutter-negatively-affects-your-ability-to-focus-process-information/

For years, I have re-arranged and cleaned my environment because I not only get bored but I want to free up my mind to produce.   The only way I am able to be productive is to change my environment and to declutter.

I remember my friends at work would be like “Rosey are you changing your desk around again?!” and all I could think was that this is the only way to do it.   Decluttering frees up your mind to be able to focus.   I totally get this and live by this.

When I need to produce, I must change it up.   I need to see a clean and clutter-free environment.

Read the entire article or read what i have captured below by Eric Doland.

-Rosemary

“Researchers at the Princeton University Neuroscience Institute published the results of a study they conducted in the January issue of The Journal of Neuroscience that relates directly to uncluttered and organized living. From their report “Interactions of Top-Down and Bottom-Up Mechanisms in Human Visual Cortex”:

Multiple stimuli present in the visual field at the same time compete for neural representation by mutually suppressing their evoked activity throughout visual cortex, providing a neural correlate for the limited processing capacity of the visual system.

Or, to paraphrase in non-neuroscience jargon: When your environment is cluttered, the chaos restricts your ability to focus. The clutter also limits your brain’s ability to process information. Clutter makes you distracted and unable to process information as well as you do in an uncluttered, organized, and serene environment.

The clutter competes for your attention in the same way a toddler might stand next to you annoyingly repeating, “candy, candy, candy, candy, I want candy, candy, candy, candy, candy, candy, candy, candy, candy, candy …” Even though you might be able to focus a little, you’re still aware that a screaming toddler is also vying for your attention. The annoyance also wears down your mental resources and you’re more likely to become frustrated.”

Originally posted 2016-06-07 22:48:10.

Habits, Mind

Forget big change, start with a tiny habit
BJ Fogg at TEDxFremont

What i loved about this was that when I think about changing a habit, I think about this overwhelming feeling of feeling uncomfortable.  Why?  Because I like to be in my comfort zone.  I like to do what is easy as most of us do.

In order to change, as Brendon Burchard says in “The Charge”, we must be okay with what is not easy.    We must be okay with getting uncomfortable.

BJ Fogg does a great TED Talk on starting with a  tiny habit.    He says that if you pretty much do not overwhelm yourself with big changes that you can create small little habits that will lead you to success.   “What if someone told you to floss only one tooth everyday?” he says.   You would probably floss all of them.

Watch this video.   It is worth the 17 minutes.

-Rosemary

Originally posted 2016-06-06 22:43:51.

Mind, The Self

Why Good People Do Bad Things
Debbie Ford

Why Good People Do Bad Things Debbie Ford
Why Good People Do Bad Things Debbie Ford

Why Good People Do Bad Things

I think this is a great book because it is quite interesting how sometimes we believe that we are all good.   Everyone has as Debbie Ford explains in this book a light and dark side.   Understanding this is very important so that people don’t feel they are alone.

I remember buying this book and reading some of it but now that I know there is an audible version, I am totally going to listen to the entire thing.

-Rosemary

Why Good People Do Bad Things exposes the pervasive and often hidden impulses that influence our everyday decisions. The headlines are full of stories of good people gone astray. They show up on the evening news and are splashed across the weekly tabloids.

In many ways, these sad stories have become a national obsession. Yet countless other acts of self-destruction and sabotage take place in our families, in our communities, in our circle of friends. Despite good intentions, “good people” do very bad things – often without understanding why.

New York Times best-selling author Debbie Ford guides us into the heart of the duality that unknowingly operates within each one of us: the force that compels us to live by our values, give and receive love, and be a contributing member of the community; and the force that holds us back, sabotages our efforts, and repeatedly steers us toward bad choices.

Ford begins with an examination of what she calls the Beach-Ball Effect – the way in which suppressed emotions eventually rise to the surface – revealing the origins of self-destructive behavior. By describing the never-ending battle between our light and dark sides and then identifying the signposts for potential disaster, Ford helps us understand how we end up damaging the lives we’ve worked so hard to create. She then breaks new ground by helping us recognize the masks we wear to protect ourselves, including the People Pleaser, the Victim, the Bully, Mister Cool, and the Jokester. Understanding these masks and what they cover up allows us to go beneath the surface, wake up from denial, and become the person we always intended to be.

With Why Good People Do Bad Things Ford has created her most enduring, expansive, and powerful work to date. Providing the tools to unlock the patterns of self-sabotage, Ford ultimately knocks down the facade of the false self and shows us how to heal the split between light and dark and live the authentic life…” (audible.com)

Originally posted 2016-06-06 21:14:28.

Body, Mind, Sexuality

Kinsey The Movie
Human Sexuality

Since I am fascinated with human behavior and the mind, in college I took a class called Human Sexuality.   This class was very interesting.   The entire class had discussions on the subject and I learned a lot.    In my Human Sexuality text book we studied Alfred Kinsey and so this is why I watched this movie.   If you are interested in watching a great movie, watch this.    This movie may be uncomfortable for some people but I liked it.

-Rosemary

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alfred_Kinsey

“Life story of Alfred Kinsey, a man driven to uncover the most private secrets of the nation, and a journey into the mystery of human behavior. In 1948 Kinsey irrevocably changed American culture and created a media sensation with his book “Sexual Behavior in the Human Male”. Using the technique of his own famous sex interviews, story recounts the scientist’s extraordinary journey from obscurity to global fame. Rebelling against the rigid piety of his home life, and drawn to the world of the senses, Kinsey becomes a Harvard-educated zoologist specializing in the study of gall wasps. After being hired to teach biology at Indiana University, Kinsey meets and marries a witty, freethinking female student, Clara McMillen. In the course of his teaching he discovers an astonishing dearth of scientific data on sexual behavior. When students seek him out for advice about sexual concerns and problems, he realizes that no one has done the clinical research that would yield reliable answers to their questions. Inspired to explore the emotionally charged subject of sex from a strictly scientific point of view, Kinsey recruits a team of researchers, including Clyde Martin, Wardell Pomeroy and Paul Gebhard. Over time they refine an interviewing technique, which helps people to break through shame, fear, and guilt and speak freely about their sexual histories. When Kinsey publishes his Male study in 1948, the press compares the impact to that of the atom bomb. But as the country enters the more paranoid Cold War era of the 1950s, Kinsey’s follow-up study on women is seen as an attack on basic American values. The ensuing outrage and scorn causes Kinsey’s benefactors to abandon him, just as his health begins to deteriorate. At the same time, the jealousies and acrimony caused by Kinsey’s attempt to create a private sexual utopia threaten to tear apart the research team and expose them to unwelcome scrutiny.” (Youtube.com)

Originally posted 2016-06-06 19:27:37.

Communication/ Relationships, Mind

The Psychology of Men
Real men don’t talk about their feelings, or do they?
Tyger Latham Psy.D.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/therapy-matters/201104/the-psychology-men 

This is pretty interesting.   Have you ever heard of the term “Alexithymia”?

-Rosemary

“Our profession has a fancy term for men who are unable to identify and speak about their feelings.  It’s called alexithymia.  The term derives from the Greek and literally means “without words for emotions.”  Practically speaking alexithymia captures a group of men who have great difficulty identifying and putting into words what goes on inside of them.  Frequently, I find such men rely heavily on logic and rationality to tackle their personal problems.  While intellect can certainly be helpful in many areas of life (such as the ability to stay cool in a crisis situation), it can also get in the way, particularly in men’s personal relationships.  Often men who depend exclusively on their intellect to address problems end up isolating themselves – paradoxically, at the time when they are most in need of help.”

Originally posted 2016-06-06 00:26:59.

Mind

What is Alexithymia? Definition from Wikipedia

Alexithymia – Wikipedia

Alexithymia is a personality construct characterized by the subclinical inability to identify and describe emotions in the self. The core characteristics of alexithymia are marked dysfunction in emotional awareness, social attachment, and interpersonal relating. Furthermore, people with alexithymia have difficulty in distinguishing and appreciating the emotions of others, which is thought to lead to unempathic and ineffective emotional responding.

 

Happiness, Mind

The Art of Happiness
His Holiness the Dalai Lama, Howard C. Cutler

The Art of Happiness His Holiness the Dalai Lama, Howard C. Cutler
The Art of Happiness His Holiness the Dalai Lama, Howard C. Cutler

I remember when my dad was in the hospital after a minor stroke.    My mom, sister and I were so worried about him.   We stayed in the hospital with him by his side to make sure he was okay.

We all ended up going home to get some rest after a day or two of not sleeping.    We were tired.

After resting we went back to the hospital to check on my dad and he had checked himself out of the hospital and was super mad at the nurses and doctors there.    I was sick to my stomach.

We see him outside and I’m so upset and I tell him to get into my car.   I even think he told me he wanted to smoke!  Really?  After having a stroke?   I couldn’t take it.

I drove them all home and left because i needed to be alone.   I had to do something about the fact that my dad’s stroke was affecting me and he didn’t even care.    Why did I care so much if he didn’t care about how he was making us feel?

I decided to drive to one of my peaceful places, Borders.   I think they went out of business but they were open during that time.    I go into Borders and buy this Audiobook.    I needed something positive and this is what i chose.

I got myself a cup of coffee at Starbucks and went to my car and since i did not want to go back home, I stayed in my car for the duration of the audiobook.

The Dalai Lama helped me re-focus my energy.   I was so frustrated and felt angry at my dad.   After listening to this audiobook and the wisdom of The Dalai Lama it helped me see things differently.   I started focusing more on me and less on my dad.

Happiness takes work.  You must be determined to be happy.   You can have so many things in your life that can cause you pain and suffering but it is critical for you to be hyperaware of happiness.

Sometimes the people that are closest to you can bring you down and cause you to feel so many emotions like guilt and shame but this is where your mind must take over.   Realizing that it is so important for you to take care of you is the key.   Without you being okay, it is very hard for you to take care of others.    The center of your universe has to be you.   Everyone else will benefit from you taking care of you.

-Rosemary

The Art of Happiness, 10th Anniversary Edition: A Handbook for Living

“The Dalai Lama is probably one of the only people who, if you ask him if he’s happy, even though he’s suffered the loss of his country, will give you an unconditional “yes.” What’s more, he’ll tell you that happiness is the purpose of life, and the “the very motion of our life is toward happiness.” How to get there has always been the question. He’s tried to answer it before, but he’s never had the help of a psychiatrist to get the message across in a context we can easily understand.

Through meditation, stories, and the meeting of Buddhism and psychology, the Dalai Lama shows us how to defeat day-to-day depression, anxiety, anger, jealousy, or just an ordinary bad mood. He discusses relationships, health, family, work, and spirituality to show us how to ride through life’s obstacles on a deep, abiding source of inner peace. Based on 2,500 years of Buddhist meditations and with a healthy dose of common sense, The Art of Happiness is a program that crosses the boundaries of all traditions to help listeners with the difficulties common to all human beings.” (audible.com)

Originally posted 2016-06-05 15:53:21.

Mind, Pleasing Others

The Art of Non-Conformity: Set Your Own Rules, Live the Life You Want, and Change the World
Chris Guillebeau

The Art of Non-Conformity: Set Your Own Rules, Live the Life You Want, and Change the World - Chris Guillebeau
The Art of Non-Conformity: Set Your Own Rules, Live the Life You Want, and Change the World – Chris Guillebeau

I think it is great when you are able to not be so concerned on what the norms of society want you to do with your life.   You always have a choice.   This book embraces this.   Living on your own terms.

-Rosemary

“If you’ve ever thought, “There must be more to life than this,” The Art of Non-Conformity is for you. Based on Chris Guillebeau’s popular online manifesto “A Brief Guide to World Domination,” The Art of Non-Conformity defies common assumptions about life and work while arming you with the tools to live differently. You’ll discover how to live on your own terms by exploring creative self-employment, radical goal-setting, contrarian travel, and embracing life as a constant adventure. Inspired and guided by Chris’s own story and those of others who have pursued unconventional lives, you can devise your own plan for world domination—and make the world a better place at the same time.” (audible.com)

The Art of Non-Conformity: Set Your Own Rules, Live the Life You Want, and Change the World (Perigee Book.)

Originally posted 2016-06-05 12:32:03.

Inspirational/ Motivational, Mind

What I Know for Sure
Oprah Winfrey

What I Know for Sure Oprah Winfrey
What I Know for Sure – Oprah Winfrey

 

I like this book because it talks about life lessons we can all appreciate. -Rosemary

“After film critic Gene Siskel asked her, “What do you know for sure?” Oprah Winfrey began writing the “What I Know for Sure” column in O, The Oprah Magazine. Saying that the question offered her a way to take “stock of her life”, Oprah has penned one column a month over the last 14 years, years in which she retired The Oprah Winfrey Show (the highest-rated program of its kind in history), launched her own television network, became America’s only black billionaire, was awarded an honorary degree from Harvard University and the Presidential Medal of Freedom, watched friends and colleagues come and go, lost beloved pets and adopted new ones, and celebrated milestone birthdays. Throughout it all, she’s continued to offer her profound and inspiring words of wisdom in her “What I Know for Sure” column in O, The Oprah Magazine.

Now, for the first time, these thoughtful gems have been revised, updated, and collected in What I Know for Sure, a beautiful book packed with insight and revelation from Oprah Winfrey. Organized by theme – joy, resilience, connection, gratitude, possibility, awe, clarity, and power – these essays offer a rare and powerful glimpse into the mind of one of the world’s most extraordinary women. Candid, moving, exhilarating, uplifting, and dynamic, the words Oprah shares in What I Know for Sure shimmer with the sort of wisdom and truth that listeners will turn to again and again.” (audible.com)

What I Know For Sure

Originally posted 2016-06-05 12:25:40.

Mind, Self Esteem

Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself
Kristin Neff

Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself Kristin Neff
Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself Kristin Neff

Sometimes we are are extremely hard on ourselves and having self-compassion is a must.   The more we have compassion for ourselves the more we will have compassion for people.   It all starts with us. -Rosemary

“From leading psychologist Dr. Kristin Neff comes a step-by-step guide explaining how to be more self-compassionate and achieve your dreams in life.

The relentless pursuit of high self-esteem has become a virtual religion – and a tyrannical one at that. Our ultracompetitive culture tells us we need to be constantly above average to feel good about ourselves, but there is always someone more attractive, successful, or intelligent than we are. And even when we do manage to grab hold of high self-esteem for a brief moment, we can’t seem to keep it. Our sense of self-worth goes up and down like a ping-pong ball, rising and falling in lockstep with our latest success or failure.

Fortunately, there is an alternative to self-esteem that many experts believe is a better and more effective path to happiness: self-compassion. The research of Dr. Kristin Neff and other leading psychologists indicates that people who are compassionate toward their failings and imperfections experience greater well-being than those who repeatedly judge themselves. The feelings of security and self-worth provided by self-compassion are also highly stable, kicking in precisely when self-esteem falls down. This book powerfully demonstrates why it’s so important to be self-compassionate and give yourself the same caring support you’d give to a good friend.

This groundbreaking work will show you how to let go of debilitating self-criticism and finally learn to be kind to yourself. Using solid empirical research, personal stories, practical exercises, and humor, Dr. Neff – the world’s foremost expert on self-compassion – explains how to heal destructive emotional patterns so that you can be healthier, happier, and more effective. Engaging, highly listenable, and eminently accessible, this book has the power to change your life.” (audible.com)

Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself

Originally posted 2016-06-05 12:10:51.