Everyone is afraid. I am, you are, everyone is! The only difference between you and the successful people you admire is that they are willing to work and move through their fears in order to get where they want to be. If you don’t learn how to face your fear it will grip your mind, body, and spirit.
“Don’t fear failure so much that you refuse to try new things. The saddest summary of life contains three descriptions: could have, might have, and should have.” ~Unknown Too often, we allow fear, worry, and doubt to dominate and define our lives.
Humans are wired to be on the lookout for the thing that wants to eat us next. But the audience at your next presentation is not, in fact, a bunch of razor-toothed animals. They generally want to see you do well.
What’s your phobia? Spiders? Snakes? Are you scared of the dark? Whatever your bugaboo, I have some good news: According to a recent study, you might be able to get over your phobia… fast. “But why would I want to get over my phobia?” you might be asking.
Fear can be adaptive, as noticing and avoiding potential dangers in the environment has obvious survival benefits. Yet, for some people, excessive fear and hyper-vigilance for threats can interfere with adaptive functioning, even developing into an anxiety disorder.
This is pretty interesting. Have you ever heard of the term “Alexithymia”?
“Our profession has a fancy term for men who are unable to identify and speak about their feelings. It’s called alexithymia. The term derives from the Greek and literally means “without words for emotions.” Practically speaking alexithymia captures a group of men who have great difficulty identifying and putting into words what goes on inside of them. Frequently, I find such men rely heavily on logic and rationality to tackle their personal problems. While intellect can certainly be helpful in many areas of life (such as the ability to stay cool in a crisis situation), it can also get in the way, particularly in men’s personal relationships. Often men who depend exclusively on their intellect to address problems end up isolating themselves – paradoxically, at the time when they are most in need of help.”
Alexithymia is a personality construct characterized by the subclinical inability to identify and describe emotions in the self. The core characteristics of alexithymia are marked dysfunction in emotional awareness, social attachment, and interpersonal relating. Furthermore, people with alexithymia have difficulty in distinguishing and appreciating the emotions of others, which is thought to lead to unempathic and ineffective emotional responding.
I remember when my dad was in the hospital after a minor stroke. My mom, sister and I were so worried about him. We stayed in the hospital with him by his side to make sure he was okay.
We all ended up going home to get some rest after a day or two of not sleeping. We were tired.
After resting we went back to the hospital to check on my dad and he had checked himself out of the hospital and was super mad at the nurses and doctors there. I was sick to my stomach.
We see him outside and I’m so upset and I tell him to get into my car. I even think he told me he wanted to smoke! Really? After having a stroke? I couldn’t take it.
I drove them all home and left because i needed to be alone. I had to do something about the fact that my dad’s stroke was affecting me and he didn’t even care. Why did I care so much if he didn’t care about how he was making us feel?
I decided to drive to one of my peaceful places, Borders. I think they went out of business but they were open during that time. I go into Borders and buy this Audiobook. I needed something positive and this is what i chose.
I got myself a cup of coffee at Starbucks and went to my car and since i did not want to go back home, I stayed in my car for the duration of the audiobook.
The Dalai Lama helped me re-focus my energy. I was so frustrated and felt angry at my dad. After listening to this audiobook and the wisdom of The Dalai Lama it helped me see things differently. I started focusing more on me and less on my dad.
Happiness takes work. You must be determined to be happy. You can have so many things in your life that can cause you pain and suffering but it is critical for you to be hyperaware of happiness.
Sometimes the people that are closest to you can bring you down and cause you to feel so many emotions like guilt and shame but this is where your mind must take over. Realizing that it is so important for you to take care of you is the key. Without you being okay, it is very hard for you to take care of others. The center of your universe has to be you. Everyone else will benefit from you taking care of you.
“The Dalai Lama is probably one of the only people who, if you ask him if he’s happy, even though he’s suffered the loss of his country, will give you an unconditional “yes.” What’s more, he’ll tell you that happiness is the purpose of life, and the “the very motion of our life is toward happiness.” How to get there has always been the question. He’s tried to answer it before, but he’s never had the help of a psychiatrist to get the message across in a context we can easily understand.
Through meditation, stories, and the meeting of Buddhism and psychology, the Dalai Lama shows us how to defeat day-to-day depression, anxiety, anger, jealousy, or just an ordinary bad mood. He discusses relationships, health, family, work, and spirituality to show us how to ride through life’s obstacles on a deep, abiding source of inner peace. Based on 2,500 years of Buddhist meditations and with a healthy dose of common sense, The Art of Happiness is a program that crosses the boundaries of all traditions to help listeners with the difficulties common to all human beings.” (audible.com)
It’s three o’clock in the morning. You’d like to be having sweet dreams but instead you’re awake and churning an imponderable question. One to which the answer seems remote and unsolvable but that, nonetheless, won’t let your thoughts switch off and your mind rest. What is that question likely to be?
I think it is great when you are able to not be so concerned on what the norms of society want you to do with your life. You always have a choice. This book embraces this. Living on your own terms.
“If you’ve ever thought, “There must be more to life than this,” The Art of Non-Conformity is for you. Based on Chris Guillebeau’s popular online manifesto “A Brief Guide to World Domination,” The Art of Non-Conformity defies common assumptions about life and work while arming you with the tools to live differently. You’ll discover how to live on your own terms by exploring creative self-employment, radical goal-setting, contrarian travel, and embracing life as a constant adventure. Inspired and guided by Chris’s own story and those of others who have pursued unconventional lives, you can devise your own plan for world domination—and make the world a better place at the same time.” (audible.com)
I like this book because it talks about life lessons we can all appreciate. -Rosemary
“After film critic Gene Siskel asked her, “What do you know for sure?” Oprah Winfrey began writing the “What I Know for Sure” column in O, The Oprah Magazine. Saying that the question offered her a way to take “stock of her life”, Oprah has penned one column a month over the last 14 years, years in which she retired The Oprah Winfrey Show (the highest-rated program of its kind in history), launched her own television network, became America’s only black billionaire, was awarded an honorary degree from Harvard University and the Presidential Medal of Freedom, watched friends and colleagues come and go, lost beloved pets and adopted new ones, and celebrated milestone birthdays. Throughout it all, she’s continued to offer her profound and inspiring words of wisdom in her “What I Know for Sure” column in O, The Oprah Magazine.
Now, for the first time, these thoughtful gems have been revised, updated, and collected in What I Know for Sure, a beautiful book packed with insight and revelation from Oprah Winfrey. Organized by theme – joy, resilience, connection, gratitude, possibility, awe, clarity, and power – these essays offer a rare and powerful glimpse into the mind of one of the world’s most extraordinary women. Candid, moving, exhilarating, uplifting, and dynamic, the words Oprah shares in What I Know for Sure shimmer with the sort of wisdom and truth that listeners will turn to again and again.” (audible.com)
Sometimes we are are extremely hard on ourselves and having self-compassion is a must. The more we have compassion for ourselves the more we will have compassion for people. It all starts with us. -Rosemary
“From leading psychologist Dr. Kristin Neff comes a step-by-step guide explaining how to be more self-compassionate and achieve your dreams in life.
The relentless pursuit of high self-esteem has become a virtual religion – and a tyrannical one at that. Our ultracompetitive culture tells us we need to be constantly above average to feel good about ourselves, but there is always someone more attractive, successful, or intelligent than we are. And even when we do manage to grab hold of high self-esteem for a brief moment, we can’t seem to keep it. Our sense of self-worth goes up and down like a ping-pong ball, rising and falling in lockstep with our latest success or failure.
Fortunately, there is an alternative to self-esteem that many experts believe is a better and more effective path to happiness: self-compassion. The research of Dr. Kristin Neff and other leading psychologists indicates that people who are compassionate toward their failings and imperfections experience greater well-being than those who repeatedly judge themselves. The feelings of security and self-worth provided by self-compassion are also highly stable, kicking in precisely when self-esteem falls down. This book powerfully demonstrates why it’s so important to be self-compassionate and give yourself the same caring support you’d give to a good friend.
This groundbreaking work will show you how to let go of debilitating self-criticism and finally learn to be kind to yourself. Using solid empirical research, personal stories, practical exercises, and humor, Dr. Neff – the world’s foremost expert on self-compassion – explains how to heal destructive emotional patterns so that you can be healthier, happier, and more effective. Engaging, highly listenable, and eminently accessible, this book has the power to change your life.” (audible.com)
Changing a habit is one of the hardest things to do but when you truly understand what it takes to change a habit it makes it a lot easier. It takes a lot of work and commitment to change a behavior that comes so easy for you to do.
What I learned from his book is that there is always a trigger to the bad habit. There is a trigger or cue, a routine and then a reward. Let’s say that you smoke cigarettes when you are stressed. Stress is the trigger or cue for the habit. Then your routine is you go out for 10 minutes for a smoke and the reward is you feel better, less stressed. Another example is you are bored and that is your trigger or cue and your routine is you go to the refrigerator and eat food. Your reward is you feel good after you eat.
Why is understanding a habit important? I believe the reason understanding a habit is important is because you can see that there are three parts to a habit. If you can change the routine you can create a new habit. The trigger or cue will always be there because sometimes you cannot control this but what you do about it consciously is the difference. The reward may stay the same or increase depending on the habit.
For example, if you are bored or anxious and that is your trigger or cue and you go to the frig to eat, instead of the frig being your routine, do squats or consciously do something to replace the frig that will make you feel good. The reward has to not make you bored or no longer anxious. Starting a new hobby sometimes helps with boredom.
Another thing that has helped me with eating is making better decisions on the foods I eat so that even though I may be bored, I can still eat, my routine and get the same reward. Except my reward is a lot better because I am consciously making better choices. The way to make this easier on yourself is by throwing out anything that may be bad for you so that you are not tempted during a time of weakness.
“A young woman walks into a laboratory. Over the past two years, she has transformed almost every aspect of her life. She has quit smoking, run a marathon, and been promoted at work. The patterns inside her brain, neurologists discover, have fundamentally changed.
Marketers at Procter & Gamble study videos of people making their beds. They are desperately trying to figure out how to sell a new product called Febreze, on track to be one of the biggest flops in company history. Suddenly, one of them detects a nearly imperceptible pattern – and with a slight shift in advertising, Febreze goes on to earn a billion dollars a year.
An untested CEO takes over one of the largest companies in America. His first order of business is attacking a single pattern among his employees – how they approach worker safety – and soon the firm, Alcoa, becomes the top performer in the Dow Jones.
What do all these people have in common? They achieved success by focusing on the patterns that shape every aspect of our lives. They succeeded by transforming habits.
In The Power of Habit, award-winning New York Times business reporter Charles Duhigg takes us to the thrilling edge of scientific discoveries that explain why habits exist and how they can be changed. With penetrating intelligence and an ability to distill vast amounts of information into engrossing narratives, Duhigg brings to life a whole new understanding of human nature and its potential for transformation.
Along the way, we learn why some people and companies struggle to change, despite years of trying, while others seem to remake themselves overnight. We visit laboratories where neuroscientists explore how habits work and where, exactly, they reside in our brains. We discover how the right habits were crucial to the success of Olympic swimmer Michael Phelps, Starbucks CEO Howard Schultz, and civil-rights hero Martin Luther King, Jr. We go inside Procter & Gamble, Target superstores, Rick Warren’s Saddleback Church, NFL locker rooms, and the nation’s largest hospitals, and see how implementing so-called keystone habits can earn billions and mean the difference between failure and success, life and death.
At its core, The Power of Habit contains an exhilarating argument: The key to exercising regularly, losing weight, raising exceptional children, becoming more productive, building revolutionary companies and social movements, and achieving success is understanding how habits work.
Habits aren’t destiny. As Charles Duhigg shows, by harnessing this new science, we can transform our businesses, our communities, and our lives.”
There are certain habits that successful people do daily. While others are sleeping these people are awake making things happen.
I’m not a morning person but I have learned that if you do want to reach certain goals you sometimes need to have a routine in the morning and change your behavior to change your results.
Time management takes practice.
“Mornings are a madcap time for many of us. We wake up in a haze—often after hitting snooze a few times. Then we rush around to get ready and out the door so we can officially start the day. Before we know it, hours have slipped by without us accomplishing anything beyond downing a cup of coffee, dashing off a few emails, and dishing with our coworkers around the water cooler. By the time the workday wraps up, we’re so exhausted and defeated that any motivation to accomplish something in the evening has vanished.
But according to time management expert Laura Vanderkam, mornings hold the key to taking control of our schedules. If we use them wisely, we can build habits that will allow us to lead happier, more productive lives.
Drawing on real-life anecdotes and scientific research that shows why the early hours of the day are so important, Vanderkam reveals how successful people use mornings to help them accomplish things that are often impossible to take care of later in the day. While many of us are still in bed, these folks are scoring daily victories to improve their health, careers, and personal lives without sacrificing their sanity. For instance, former PepsiCo chairman and CEO Steve Reinemund would rise at 5:00 a.m., run four miles, pray, and eat breakfast with his family before heading to work to run a Fortune 500 company.
What the Most Successful People Do Before Breakfast is a fun, practical guide that will inspire you to rethink your morning routine and jump-start your life before the day has even begun.”
If you want to get inspired and get more out of your life, read this. Brendon Burchard will keep your attention throughout the entire audiobook. If he doesn’t you can skip to the chapter that makes sense for you.
“From the author of the number-one New York Times and number-one audio bestseller The Millionaire Messenger, an electrifying and inspiring work that provides the keys to motivating yourself to satisfy your highest, most essential creative and intellectual needs.
In the hyper-connected, hyper-digitized world in which we are living, the time has come to revise Abraham Maslow’s classic “hierarchy of needs” a pyramid of human drives that places the basic needs of safety and sustenance at the bottom. Burchard, a world-renowned motivational speaker and best-selling author, makes a compelling case that it’s time for an entirely new approach to understanding what drives human ambition and achievement today; it’s time to change the conversation about what it takes to succeed and feel alive and fulfilled in a stressful, chaotic, distracted world.
In The Charge: Activating the 10 Human Drives that Make You Feel Alive, Burchard, using pioneering studies from the fields of positive psychology and neuroscience, as well as great stories from his own experience, identifies the ten simple drives of human emotion and happiness: Control, Competence, Congruence, Caring, Connection, Change, Challenge, Creative expression, Contribution, and Consciousness. The Charge provides the keys to understanding and activating these drives in clear and concrete ways that will inspire and help everyone find the one thing we all are searching for: more life in our lives.” (audible.com)
A recent clinical encounter reminded me of an important point about the way many modern men experience their emotions and needs, and how this can have a dramatic impact on relationship quality and lead to all sorts of confusion and conflict.
This book taught me to be okay with feeling fear. I thought fear was something that was unique to me. That I was the only one that felt this anxious feeling when speaking in public or talking to a new person. I knew a lot of people but I was shy. Not many people knew I was shy. I realized that everyone has fear. I learned to not let fear paralyze me. Sometimes people over analyze a situation and stay paralyzed in analyzing it and never take action.
In business, there were many times that I had to make a presentation or speak in front of others. A few times when I got in front of others I got hives on my chest because of being so nervous. When I read this book, I allowed myself to get the hives and be okay with them. I did not let the hives take over me and stop me from presenting. I had a message to say and as soon as I got comfortable the hives would go away. How horrible would it have been that I would not say what I wanted to say because of fear?
I am so thankful for this book because it taught me to allow myself to feel the feel and just do it anyway.
If you have any fears, this book is a must read. Unfortunately they do not have this book on audio. I did buy the kindle version to read again because it is that good.
“THE PHENOMENAL CLASSIC THAT HAS CHANGED THE LIVES OF MILLIONS
Are you afraid of making decisions . . . asking your boss for a raise . . . leaving an unfulfilling relationship . . . facing the future? Whatever your fear, here is your chance to push through it once and for all. In this enduring guide to self-empowerment, Dr. Susan Jeffers inspires us with dynamic techniques and profound concepts that have helped countless people grab hold of their fears and move forward with their lives. Inside you’ll discover
• what we are afraid of, and why
• how to move from victim to creator
• the secret of making no lose decisions
• the vital 10-step process that helps you outtalk the negative chatterbox in your brain
• how to create more meaning in your life
And so much more!
With insight and humor, Dr. Jeffers shows you how to become powerful in the face of your fears–and enjoy the elation of living a creative, joyous, loving life.
“Should be required for every person who can read! I recommend this book in every one of my seminars!”
–Jack Canfield, co-author of Chicken Soup for the Soul
“It’s a must! The most practical guide to personal empowerment I have ever read. Feel the Fear . . . and Do It Anywaygoes to number one on my recommended reading list.”
–Jordan Paul, Ph.D., co-author of Do I Have to Give Up Me to Be Loved by You?
“Living is taking chances, and Feel the Fear . . . and Do It Anyway has helped so many people, both men and women, to achieve success.”
–Louise L. Hay, author of The Power Is Within You” (amazon.com)
I used to be a people pleaser. I remember years ago I was an Executive Assistant. I was going to school full time and working full time. I was totally an over achiever. I worked hard to make sure everyone was happy. The only problem with making sure that everyone was happy was that I wasn’t making myself happy. I was a doormat in the making. I don’t even know how I became this way. I guess I really liked the recognition that came from pleasing people not realizing how much it was affecting me.
After reading this book I realized that I was doing myself a disservice. I was focusing more on the needs of others before my own needs. This was draining me. The more I pleased people the more they expected from me.
When I realized that I needed to respect what I wanted before the needs of others I slowly but surely stopped working so hard. It was actually more rewarding to focus on me. I gained self respect and valued my time a lot more.
I stopped saying yes to everything. If I didn’t want to do something I said no. If I wanted to do something, I did it. How powerful!
If you focus more on pleasing others and put your needs last, you need to read this book!
“People pleasers are not just nice people who go overboard trying to make everyone happy. Those who suffer from the Disease to Please are people who say “Yes” when they really want to say “No”. For them, the uncontrollable need for the elusive approval of others is an addiction. Their debilitating fears of anger and confrontation force them to use “niceness” and “people-pleasing” as self-defense camouflage.
Featured on NBC’s Today, The Disease to Please explodes the dangerous myth that “people pleasing” is a benign problem. Best-selling author and frequent Oprah guest Dr. Harriet Braiker offers clear, positive, practical, and easily do-able steps toward recovery.
Begin with a simple but revealing quiz to discover what type of people-pleaser you are. Then learn how making even small changes to any single portion of the Disease to Please Triangle, involving your thoughts, feelings, and behavior, will cause a dramatic, positive, and long-lasting change to the overall syndrome.
As a recovered people pleaser, you will finally see that a balanced way of living that takes others into consideration but puts the emphasis first on pleasing yourself and gaining your own approval is the clearest path to health and happiness.”
This book is great. One of the hardest things to do is focus on yourself when you are surrounded by one or more people that have serious issues. Yes we all have issues but sometimes we are put in situations with people that literally make us sick. The people around us may be going through something very serious and as a result we become codependent on their issues. It can be personality disorders, addiction, abuse or anything that affects others.
The interesting part is that when you are around someone that affects you mentally or physically it is easy to point the finger at them. They are the ones with the problem. What most people don’t realize is that being around someone that has issues can create something within us that is called codependency.
You can focus so much on someone else’s issues that you forget about you. You lose yourself. This book helped me focus on me.
For those of you out there that have lived or been around anyone that has affected them either mentally or physically, please read this book. YOU deserve to read this book for you. Once you read this you will realize that focusing on you is the solution.
After reading this book I actually got my MBA. I thank my mom for reminding me that I always wanted to get my MBA and after this book it was the perfect time to get it!
“A source of healing and inspiration for millions, this modern classic spent over three years on the New York Times best seller list and made codependency a household word. Codependent No More contains dozens of real-life examples, personal reflections, exercises, and self-tests to help you along the road to recovering your own life. For anyone struggling with a relationship involving alchoholism or other compulsive behaviors, this program points the way to healing and the renewal of hope. Melody Beattie’s insights into the nature of the phenomenon of codependency will guide you step by step to the understanding that letting go will set you free.” (audible.com)