This book taught me to be okay with feeling fear. I thought fear was something that was unique to me. That I was the only one that felt this anxious feeling when speaking in public or talking to a new person. I knew a lot of people but I was shy. Not many people knew I was shy. I realized that everyone has fear. I learned to not let fear paralyze me. Sometimes people over analyze a situation and stay paralyzed in analyzing it and never take action.
In business, there were many times that I had to make a presentation or speak in front of others. A few times when I got in front of others I got hives on my chest because of being so nervous. When I read this book, I allowed myself to get the hives and be okay with them. I did not let the hives take over me and stop me from presenting. I had a message to say and as soon as I got comfortable the hives would go away. How horrible would it have been that I would not say what I wanted to say because of fear?
I am so thankful for this book because it taught me to allow myself to feel the feel and just do it anyway.
If you have any fears, this book is a must read. Unfortunately they do not have this book on audio. I did buy the kindle version to read again because it is that good.
“THE PHENOMENAL CLASSIC THAT HAS CHANGED THE LIVES OF MILLIONS
Are you afraid of making decisions . . . asking your boss for a raise . . . leaving an unfulfilling relationship . . . facing the future? Whatever your fear, here is your chance to push through it once and for all. In this enduring guide to self-empowerment, Dr. Susan Jeffers inspires us with dynamic techniques and profound concepts that have helped countless people grab hold of their fears and move forward with their lives. Inside you’ll discover
• what we are afraid of, and why
• how to move from victim to creator
• the secret of making no lose decisions
• the vital 10-step process that helps you outtalk the negative chatterbox in your brain
• how to create more meaning in your life
And so much more!
With insight and humor, Dr. Jeffers shows you how to become powerful in the face of your fears–and enjoy the elation of living a creative, joyous, loving life.
“Should be required for every person who can read! I recommend this book in every one of my seminars!”
–Jack Canfield, co-author of Chicken Soup for the Soul
“It’s a must! The most practical guide to personal empowerment I have ever read. Feel the Fear . . . and Do It Anyway goes to number one on my recommended reading list.”
–Jordan Paul, Ph.D., co-author of Do I Have to Give Up Me to Be Loved by You?
“Living is taking chances, and Feel the Fear . . . and Do It Anyway has helped so many people, both men and women, to achieve success.”
–Louise L. Hay, author of The Power Is Within You” (amazon.com)
Originally posted 2016-06-04 20:44:57.
I used to be a people pleaser. I remember years ago I was an Executive Assistant. I was going to school full time and working full time. I was totally an over achiever. I worked hard to make sure everyone was happy. The only problem with making sure that everyone was happy was that I wasn’t making myself happy. I was a doormat in the making. I don’t even know how I became this way. I guess I really liked the recognition that came from pleasing people not realizing how much it was affecting me.
After reading this book I realized that I was doing myself a disservice. I was focusing more on the needs of others before my own needs. This was draining me. The more I pleased people the more they expected from me.
When I realized that I needed to respect what I wanted before the needs of others I slowly but surely stopped working so hard. It was actually more rewarding to focus on me. I gained self respect and valued my time a lot more.
I stopped saying yes to everything. If I didn’t want to do something I said no. If I wanted to do something, I did it. How powerful!
If you focus more on pleasing others and put your needs last, you need to read this book!
“People pleasers are not just nice people who go overboard trying to make everyone happy. Those who suffer from the Disease to Please are people who say “Yes” when they really want to say “No”. For them, the uncontrollable need for the elusive approval of others is an addiction. Their debilitating fears of anger and confrontation force them to use “niceness” and “people-pleasing” as self-defense camouflage.
Featured on NBC’s Today, The Disease to Please explodes the dangerous myth that “people pleasing” is a benign problem. Best-selling author and frequent Oprah guest Dr. Harriet Braiker offers clear, positive, practical, and easily do-able steps toward recovery.
Begin with a simple but revealing quiz to discover what type of people-pleaser you are. Then learn how making even small changes to any single portion of the Disease to Please Triangle, involving your thoughts, feelings, and behavior, will cause a dramatic, positive, and long-lasting change to the overall syndrome.
As a recovered people pleaser, you will finally see that a balanced way of living that takes others into consideration but puts the emphasis first on pleasing yourself and gaining your own approval is the clearest path to health and happiness.”
Originally posted 2016-06-04 20:28:42.
Originally posted 2017-09-26 05:14:53.
Originally posted 2017-09-26 04:14:46.
Originally posted 2016-08-31 16:53:30.
This book is great. One of the hardest things to do is focus on yourself when you are surrounded by one or more people that have serious issues. Yes we all have issues but sometimes we are put in situations with people that literally make us sick. The people around us may be going through something very serious and as a result we become codependent on their issues. It can be personality disorders, addiction, abuse or anything that affects others.
The interesting part is that when you are around someone that affects you mentally or physically it is easy to point the finger at them. They are the ones with the problem. What most people don’t realize is that being around someone that has issues can create something within us that is called codependency.
You can focus so much on someone else’s issues that you forget about you. You lose yourself. This book helped me focus on me.
For those of you out there that have lived or been around anyone that has affected them either mentally or physically, please read this book. YOU deserve to read this book for you. Once you read this you will realize that focusing on you is the solution.
After reading this book I actually got my MBA. I thank my mom for reminding me that I always wanted to get my MBA and after this book it was the perfect time to get it!
“A source of healing and inspiration for millions, this modern classic spent over three years on the New York Times best seller list and made codependency a household word. Codependent No More contains dozens of real-life examples, personal reflections, exercises, and self-tests to help you along the road to recovering your own life. For anyone struggling with a relationship involving alchoholism or other compulsive behaviors, this program points the way to healing and the renewal of hope. Melody Beattie’s insights into the nature of the phenomenon of codependency will guide you step by step to the understanding that letting go will set you free.” (audible.com)
Originally posted 2016-06-04 19:47:05.
When you are used to thinking a certain way, it can feel very challenging to change. It is very easy to think as we have always thought. The challenge is changing the way you think and reprogramming your mind.
Brendon Burchard does a great job at explaining how to change. Watch this video to learn more.
It will take work. A lot of work but it will be worth it.
Originally posted 2016-06-04 15:48:03.
Reprogramming the brain was always something that interest me because I always wondered what it would be like to be able to change the way we think.
How exactly can we change or program our minds to think differently?
Bob Proctor does a fantastic job in explaining our conscious mind, our subconscious mind, how they affect the body and in turn lead to the results we are getting today.
In order to program your mind we will need to look at all of these areas and see how they actually work together.
I learned about Bob Proctor when I watched the movie “The Secret by Rhonda Byrne”.
Originally posted 2016-06-04 15:47:25.
I always felt inside that I had a gift. That there was something so much bigger that I was here for. That I had a purpose. That every single thing that happened to me happened to me for a reason. That I was to learn from my experiences for this ultimate purpose. Today I feel I have found it.
That is amazing to me because life can be so hard sometimes. You ask yourself “why me?” I am here to tell you that if you can see past the pain and the hardship that there is a buried treasure just waiting for you to see. That you are more than what you are going through today.
I remember growing up in a one bedroom apartment with my mom, dad and sister. One bedroom. It was so hard to share a room with my parents. I had no privacy. No place to cry alone or even a place to study alone. My sister and I celebrated when I was 17 years old when I finally got my own room. My own room meant the world to me.
My room allowed me to study in peace. I became a book worm. I loved to study and learn. Psychology was my passion. I loved it! I could not get enough of self help books. They were my escape.
I remember in high school when I took a college now class on Psychology 101 and actually got an award. Now why did I not study Psychology? As much as I loved it, I felt I would go crazy if I studied it. I decided to go to college and take what my sister took. Fashion. Yes Fashion!
I took fashion and I was miserable. I was in a class with students that loved to talk about textiles and all i wanted to study was the human brain. I was a C student.
In my first quarter in college I was in a group dynamics class where I was the leader and I had to decide on the topic for the group. I was actually going to the Dominican Republic with my dad on a trip and I decided to get a couple of books from the library on how to choose a career based on your personality. Since I was in fashion and didn’t feel it was a good fit, I decided to learn about what I was experiencing.
I studied Myer Briggs Personality Types. I studied how important it is to wake up in the morning and love what you do. After my research and talking to my dad about how unhappy I was with fashion, I decided to not go into Psychology but instead to do Marketing which is more Psychology and Business intertwined in my opinion. Consumer behavior.
I became a straight A student in Marketing. I realized then that loving the subject you study is critical to your success.
So after a few years of working, I ended up reading this book. This book reinforced what I had learned in college. It talks about the most successful people and how by them following their passion they became successful. We all have passions. The difference is that some people focus on what they love and some ignore what they love.
This book will help you re-focus on your true purpose. What you love.
I truly believe that if you are reading this it is for a reason. That however it is that I met you that at this very moment you were meant to read this. Crazy as it may be for me or you.
This book made me pay attention to my true gifts. I recommend this book to anyone that feels stuck. I guarantee it doesn’t happen right away. Happiness does not happen overnight. It takes work. It takes determination. It takes struggle.
When you want something so bad. You will make it happen. There are no excuses.
It took me forever to even get to write this. I read like a thousand books for me to break free and numerous mentors. It took work. A lot of work. Self doubt. Insecurities. You name it.
“Do you ever feel burned out, beat up, or just plain bored, wondering, “Is this all there is?” Do you ever feel trapped in a stressful job that leaves you unhappy and unsatisfied? Do you ever question if you’re doing what you’re supposed to be doing—if you’re fulfilling your life’s purpose? If so, you are not alone.
Like millions of Americans, Brian Souza found himself in this precarious position a few years back. Despite attending dozens of motivational seminars and devouring the best the self-help industry had to offer, Souza was left wanting more. The turning point came when he finally realized it wasn’t artificial motivation he was after; he was really searching for a legitimate reason to be motivated. Thousands of hours of research and countless interviews later, Souza finally uncovered the secrets he was looking for all along:
Just as musicians must make music, poets must write, and artists must paint, we all have a unique gift designed for a specific vocation that will bring both meaning and purpose to our lives. True joy and happiness will continue to elude us until we use that gift to become who we were born to be.
Become Who You Were Born to Be is a blueprint for discovering your unique gift and using it to realize your personal and professional potential. Souza’s program for achieving success in all areas of life reveals:
• Four steps to discovering your gift, uncovering your passion, and unlocking your purpose
• How to overcome fears and deal with change
• How to work passion into your profession
• Why a midlife crisis should be celebrated
• How to stop stressing and start living
• How to diagnose and fix flawed life patterns
• The untold secrets of top achievers
To illustrate his life-changing philosophy, Souza relates true stories of everyday people and world-famous celebrities—including Lance Armstrong, Amy Tan, Sylvester Stallone, Garth Brooks, and Oprah Winfrey—who became heroes by overcoming adversity and squeezing every ounce of opportunity from their gifts.” (amazon.com)
Originally posted 2016-10-24 08:25:57.
Originally posted 2017-03-12 13:46:18.
How well do you know yourself? How deeply do you understand your motivations? If you’re on this website, you probably know the basics of psychology. You understand biases, the power of the halo-effect, or even how we make decisions. But, do you understand what drives you? Your own self-image?
Originally posted 2016-10-22 11:26:34.
The inherently dysfunctional “codependency dance” requires two opposite but distinctly balanced partners: the pleaser/fixer (codependent) and the taker/controller (narcissist/addict). Codependents – who are giving, sacrificing, and consumed with the needs and desires of others – do not know how to emotionally disconnect or avoid romantic relationships with individuals who are narcissistic – individuals who are selfish, self-centered, controlling, and harmful to them.
“The inherently dysfunctional “codependency dance” requires two opposite but distinctly balanced partners: the pleaser/fixer (codependent) and the taker/controller (narcissist/addict).
Codependents — who are giving, sacrificing, and consumed with the needs and desires of others — do not know how to emotionally disconnect or avoid romantic relationships with individuals who are narcissistic — individuals who are selfish, self-centered, controlling, and harmful to them. Codependents habitually find themselves on a “dance floor” attracted to partners who are a perfect counter-match to their uniquely passive, submissive and acquiescent dance style.
As natural followers in their relationship dance, codependents are passive and accommodating dance partners. So how can they stop being such natural followers?
Codependents find narcissistic dance partners deeply appealing. They are perpetually attracted to their charm, boldness, confidence and domineering personality.
When codependents and narcissists pair up, the dancing experience sizzles with excitement — at least in the beginning. After many “songs,” the enthralling and thrilling dance experience predictably transforms into drama, conflict, feelings of neglect and being trapped. Even with chaos and conflict, neither of the two spellbound dancers dares to end their partnership. Despite the tumultuous and conflict-laden nature of their relationship, neither of these two opposite, but dysfunctionally compatible, dance partners feel compelled to sit the dance out.
When a codependent and narcissist come together in their relationship, their dance unfolds flawlessly: The narcissistic partner maintains the lead and the codependent follows. Their roles seem natural to them because they have actually been practicing them their whole lives. The codependent reflexively gives up their power; since the narcissist thrives on control and power, the dance is perfectly coordinated. No one gets their toes stepped on.
Typically, codependents give of themselves much more than their partners give back to them. As generous — but bitter — dance partners, they seem to be stuck on the dance floor, always waiting for the next song, at which time they naively hope that their narcissistic partner will finally understand their needs.
Codependents confuse caretaking and sacrifice with loyalty and love. Although they are proud of their unwavering dedication to the person they love, they end up feeling unappreciated and used. Codependents yearn to be loved, but because of their choice of dance partner, find their dreams unrealized. With the heartbreak of unfulfilled dreams, codependents silently and bitterly swallow their unhappiness.
Codependents are essentially stuck in a pattern of giving and sacrificing, without the possibility of ever receiving the same from their partner. They pretend to enjoy the dance, but really harbor feelings of anger, bitterness, and sadness for not taking an active role in their dance experience. They are convinced that they will never find a dance partner who will love them for who they are, as opposed to what they can do for them. Their low self-esteem and pessimism manifests itself into a form of learned helplessness that ultimately keeps them on the dance floor with their narcissistic partner.
The narcissist dancer, like the codependent, is attracted to a partner who feels perfect to them: Someone who lets them lead the dance while making them feel powerful, competent and appreciated. In other words, the narcissist feels most comfortable with a dancing companion who matches up with their self-absorbed and boldly selfish dance style. Narcissist dancers are able to maintain the direction of the dance because they always find partners who lack self-worth, confidence and who have low self-esteem — codependents. With such a well-matched companion, they are able to control both the dancer and the dance.
Although all codependent dancers desire harmony and balance, they consistently sabotage themselves by choosing a partner to whom they are initially attracted, but will ultimately resent. When given a chance to stop dancing with their narcissistic partner and comfortably sit the dance out until someone healthy comes along, they typically choose to continue their dysfunctional dance. They dare not leave their narcissistic dance partner because their lack of self-esteem and self-respect makes them feel like they can do no better. Being alone is the equivalent of feeling lonely, and loneliness is too painful to bear.
Without self-esteem or feelings of personal power, the codependent is incapable of choosing mutually giving and unconditionally loving partners. Their choice of a narcissistic dance partner is connected to their unconscious motivation to find a person who is familiar — someone who is reminiscent of their powerless and, perhaps, traumatic childhood. Sadly, codependents are most likely children of parents who also flawlessly danced the dysfunctional codependent/narcissistic dance. Their fear of being alone, their compulsion to control and fix at any cost, and their comfort in their role as the martyr who is endlessly loving, devoted, and patient, is an extension of their yearning to be loved, respected, and cared for as a child.
Although codependents dream of dancing with an unconditionally loving and affirming partner, they submit to their dysfunctional destiny. Until they decide to heal the psychological wounds that ultimately compel them to dance with their narcissistic dance partners, they will be destined to maintain the steady beat and rhythm of their dysfunctional dance.”
Originally posted 2016-10-22 10:36:13.
I hereby confess that it takes me a half hour each week to fill up my mammoth-sized pill container with the supplements and vitamins I take each week to give my brain every lift I can.
Originally posted 2017-03-12 13:33:01.
“In Codependent No More, Melody Beattie introduced the world to the term codependency. Now a modern classic, this book established Beattie as a pioneer in self-help literature and endeared her to millions of readers who longed for healthier relationships. Twenty-five years later concepts such as self-care and setting boundaries have become entrenched in mainstream culture. Now Beattie has written a followup volume, The New Codependency, which clears up misconceptions about codependency, identifies how codependent behavior has changed, and provides a new generation with a road map to wellness.
The question remains: What is and what is not codependency? Beattie here reminds us that much of codependency is normal behavior. It’s about crossing lines. There are times we do too much, care too much, feel too little, or overly engage. Feeling resentment after giving is not the same as heartfelt generosity. Narcissism and self-love, enabling and nurturing, and controlling and setting boundaries are not interchangeable terms. In The New Codependency, Beattie explores these differences, effectively invoking her own inspiring story and those of others, to empower us to step out of the victim role forever. Codependency, she shows, is not an illness but rather a series of behaviors that once broken down and analyzed can be successfully combated.
Each section offers an overview of and a series of activities pertaining to a particular behavior — caretaking, controlling, manipulation, denial, repression, etc. — enabling us to personalize our own step-bystep guide to wellness. These sections, in conjunction with a series of tests allowing us to assess the level of our codependent behavior, demonstrate that while it may not seem possible now, we have the power to take care of ourselves, no matter what we are experiencing.
Punctuated with Beattie’s renowned candor and intuitive wisdom, The New Codependency is an owner’s manual to learning to be who we are and gives us the tools necessary to reclaim our lives by renouncing unhealthy practices.” (amazon.com)
Originally posted 2016-10-22 10:31:46.
Originally posted 2016-10-21 20:23:34.
Co-dependency is a learned behavior that can be passed down from one generation to another. It is an emotional and behavioral condition that affects an individual’s ability to have a healthy, mutually satisfying relationship. It is also known as “relationship addiction” because people with codependency often form or maintain relationships that are one-sided, emotionally destructive and/or abusive.
“Characteristics of Co-dependent People Are:
- An exaggerated sense of responsibility for the actions of others
- A tendency to confuse love and pity, with the tendency to “love” people they can pity and rescue
- A tendency to do more than their share, all of the time
- A tendency to become hurt when people don’t recognize their efforts
- An unhealthy dependence on relationships. The co-dependent will do anything to hold on to a relationship; to avoid the feeling of abandonment
- An extreme need for approval and recognition
- A sense of guilt when asserting themselves
- A compelling need to control others
- Lack of trust in self and/or others
- Fear of being abandoned or alone
- Difficulty identifying feelings
- Rigidity/difficulty adjusting to change
- Problems with intimacy/boundaries
- Chronic anger
- Poor communications
- Difficulty making decisions”
Originally posted 2016-10-21 20:13:25.